Blingtardette

The latest news on Mr Generic Strip is that he is now married to bouncyplums! and they too are RL/SL! but Fluffi is still on his profile and so is KISSESS, so who knows what this even means. I somehow doubt that they are all shacked up together in some industrial town in Italy.

I need hardly add that bouncyplums is expecting a Zooby and that they have gone into horses. People, people, you are so unoriginal. At least the bunnies were silent. I am so sick of neighing, you wouldn’t believe

Also, Snookums is once more a CHILD OF DIVORCE but it’s cool cause she still loves all her mommies very much. Obviously she loves daddy and mommy #6 slightly more than mommy #5 because he has a bigger house, but then he needs a big house to accommodate her three brand new siblings (twins and a Zooby). This lot are still on bunnies but I’m sure they will catch up soon. Somebody needs to stage a chicken revival. Chickens were awesome. You could kick them and it made you happy, like the flamingos in Sims 2.

OK, so Mr Generic Strip is now polygamous. I daresay this will come as a surprise to no-one. He has been married to fifth wife Fluffi since June, which is pretty good going for him. Fluffi and Mr Generic Strip are RL/SL! which as far as I can gather means they has true wuv in ALL WORLDS!!! including ETERNITY!!!

He is also partnered on an alt to KISSESS, but she is only third wife, as his profile features ‘! bouncyplums my sexy slave, my 2nd wife, my slave, my host, my friend’. She has a dragon on her shoulder. I guess it keeps her warm on the evenings he’s scheduled to be with his other wives?

Mr Generic Strip’s profile currently reads:

Love: can some one tell me what mean really this word? I never met one person can tell me it’s sense!!!!!!

Dont say “I LOVE YOU!” if you are not able to acept you partner! He/She can be away, can fall of sleep or be busy, but HE/SHE will LOVE you anyway

I am not posting this to mock the spelling and grammar as everything Mr Generic Strip says has been on at least one trip through Google Translate, only to illustrate why even Snookums has now deserted him.

Yes, Snookums is five now, and has a new mommy and daddy! (She also still has Eleventeenth as a mommy, but these two seem to be the primary carers). Mommy and daddy Capslock are VERY happy with their new purchase:

MY LOVELY WIFE SAVANNAH,MY ADORABLE DAUGHTER SNOOKUMSAND MYSELF RELAXING LOVING LIFE AND CHERISHING EACH OTHER!!!!I LOVE YOU BOTH MY ANGELS!!

PROUD MAMA OF THE BEST GIRL IN SL SNOOKUMS CAPSLOCK SHE IS MY CUTE LITTLE ANGEL, I LOVE SO MUCH,PLUS MY BABY PARIS ADRIENNE LETICIA CAPSLOCK WILL BE BORN DEC 15TH.  I AM THE LUCKIEST LADY IN ALL SL!!!

And with each other:

Me and my true love Savannah i love her soooooooo much,she is my love,my life,my angel,MY SUB,my all I LOVE YOU OOOOOH SOOOO MUCH BABY WITH ALL MY HEART!!!!AND WILL NOT HURT YOU IN ANY WAY POSSIBLE,AND WILL PROTECT YOU WITH ALL MY POWER AND MIGHT!!!

(Please, Mr Capslock, do try not to have an orgasm in your profile picks, people might be reading them in a PG area.)

And with their friends bodyguards:

My partner in crime and punishment fuck with him or me or my baby or my sister and watch your nuts he ll rip the m off!Look at my baby the wrong way they come off all i have to say is one word…so beware you been warned

And with their… cars?

This may seem a bit redneck but i took this pic of all my rides here in sl…Arent they Cool?????i also own Three horses as well…..

I am worried that Paris Adrienne Leticia is over a month late. Do you think they are saving up for a Zooby?

• the new manager, dancers, bouncers etc. turned out to be as imaginary as I suspected and I did indeed rez one day in the midst of a desert
• though not before Mr Generic Strip announced the farewell event ONE HOUR before it was due to start and expected people to show. I blew him out, naturally.
• the heartbroken Random Afk has decided to devote herself to Bilbo and photography
• Bilbo’s profile now contains a tribute to his ‘little sister, lost forever’ Snookums, but no mention of Mr Generic Strip, which is probably for the best
• Mr Generic Strip is still loved up with Eleventeenth (though they are not partnered as she doesn’t want him mentioned on her profile) and the remarkably resilient Snookums now has a twin. Who is a year older than her. Somebody really needs to sit these people down and explain the concept of TWINS.
• Mrs Generic Strip the First is back with Mr Generic Strip the Second

From this, I have learned the valuable lesson that if you want to be a successful golddigger and live on islands and shit then you are better off being a kid than a slut. Kids are a status symbol on SL, just like partners and islands and clubs, and it’ll generally cost more to adopt a kid than register a partner. Snookums has outlasted at least two mothers and will probably survive the third. There’s less direct competition; if a prettier, nicer, more available child shows up, it’s not necessarily your replacement, it can be your sissypoos! Also, it is easier to be a kid than a trophy wife. As long as you say ‘pwease’ and ‘fankoo’ and ‘i luv ooo’ you are doing your job. Faking textual orgasms gets really tedious after a while. You will not be pestered by cockless noobs demanding sex, and if you are you can report them for ageplay. Win!

Soooo… the latest is that Mr Generic Strip claims to be getting a new manger to help him run things. He will, says Mr Generic Strip, bring with him bouncers, a dj, and some more dancers.

I see no sign of any of these people in the staff group so am inclined to believe they are imaginary.

First, however, Mr Generic Strip intends to weed out all the wasters by the cunning device of sending an abusive message out to the group demanding to know why nobody has been turning up to the events that haven’t been happening. If you do not respond by IMing him ‘wtf? how can I work events that don’t exist?’, then you get fired.

One of my neighbors has been glimpsed packing her stuff up so has presumably already fallen foul of this policy. For someone who is desperate for staff, Mr Generic Strip is unusually fond of sacking people.

(Here is an example of how desperate for staff Mr Generic Strip is. Some weeks ago, I rezzed in the club, saw a day-old newbie wandering round on my radar, enrolled her in the VIP group. That night, I turn up for an event to discover that the noob has been employed. She has no clue what the tip points are and keeps offering to get naked for a hundred dollars. She has full-perms freebie hair. She keeps vanishing at intervals and reappearing wearing another club’s tag. And she’s STILL listed as an employee even though she hasn’t logged in since that night.)

Oh, and Mrs Generic Strip the First has split with her latest partner so presumably her faith in mankind has been destroyed all over again. Woe.

So, Mrs Generic Strip the Third (well, she could be the Fourth, or the Fifth, or the Eleventeenth, since I’m not to know what happened before I arrived on the increasingly telenovellaesque scene) now has an alt for Generic Strip purposes. The profile of this alt features a pic of her and Mr Generic Strip and reads:

I LOVE you Mr Generic Strip forever, every hour every minute every second of every day is filled with thoughts of you. I never thought that life could be like this, I have never known love like it, the whole of my heart body and soul is yours for all eternity…

OK, that isn’t what it reads. I made that up. But I promise you the real thing is every bit as drivelly. And longer.

At least, I sincerely hope she’s an alt, because otherwise Mr Generic Strip has been a very naughty boy indeed. Again. And Snookums is going to be even more confused about the exact identity of her mommy. She’s only thwee.

Should this alt ever turn up to work in the club, I’m so going to address her by her original name. Knowledge is power, you know?

You will, I am sure, be stunned and devastated to hear that Mr Generic Strip and Random Afk are no more. Random Afk seems to be unwilling to relinquish custody of Snookums, crediting him in her profile as ‘a friend, father of Snookums’. Meanwhile Mr Generic Strip reports in his profile that Random Afk will be in his heart forever, though naturally this has not prevented him from screwing one of my neighbors.

No, not the hooker with porn on her walls, she’s long gone. Not the manger either. This is just a chick who hangs around the club. I rezzed there a week or so ago and saw her loitering, chatting up Mr Generic Strip. I thought then she was casing the joint, and then thought no! Blingtardette, you are just being paranoid and oversuspicious. Who would want this poxy club anyway?

(It was the island I wanted. I would have made him sell the club to the manger and watched her fail miserably. That girl has the hosting skills of a slice of vaguely malevolent toast.)

But no, apparently I was correct, and this would be why we have suddenly switched event times to something more US-friendly.

Meanwhile, Snookums’s last-but-one mother, the former Mrs Generic Strip, has found somebody to glue back together the shattered fragments of her broken heart and teach her how to love again. Or some such guff. He looks disturbingly like Mr Generic Strip. But then, most of the guys I meet look disturbingly like Mr Generic Strip. Generic is, after all, his middle name.

btw, I am so OVER wanting to marry Mr Generic Strip. I was offline sick for like, a week, and within five seconds of my logging in he is IMing me demanding rent. So I’m like ok, was just about to send it, just I have been offline SICK for like, a week. And does he ask me how I am? or what was wrong? What do you think? I’m not a person, I’m a cute little blonde stripper who can be picked up and dropped at a whim.

I may be a gold-digging slut, but I do not need that kind of guy. Even if he does have an island.

I have realised what I’m doing wrong. I work too hard! Like, the other day I busted my gut sitting in the corner emoting my little heart out. Half an hour. Not one little solitary linden did come my way.

So today, when I am summoned without anyone troubling to explain to me why, or what I am meant to do, I park myself on my pole, announce publicly that I am sorting inventory, and Mr Generic Strip pops L$100 in my tip jar.

Now I know I get paid more for sitting in silence, I will try not to be so talkative in future.

It’s not even October yet and I’m already sick of people pimping Halloween crap on the fashion blogs.

In other news, Mr Generic Strip is sad. He is sad because he thinks he may have to give up the club. Well NOBODY saw that one coming, did they? I am only stunned it lasted this long.

One of these days I will turn up for work and there will be nothing there but a vast expanse of sand.